


Can't Move On

by elfghoul



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Crossdressing, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Smut, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:09:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7979530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfghoul/pseuds/elfghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prompt a friend gave to me. Angsty Luciel x V where they unhealthily cope with Rika's death. How? By V pretending Luciel is Rika.</p><p>It's seriously unhealthy. Not a light read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Move On

How their toxic rendezvous started was still fresh in Luciel’s mind. Though he was certain V had forgotten, too caught up in the fog of grief to remember, Luciel never forgot. Since it had started, they continued for nearly a month, sneakily meeting each other whenever they were free. It wasn't too difficult since they both already lived secretive lives, but still, nobody seemed suspicious.

  
Luciel didn't expect to have the reaction he got when he first put on the wig, working on zipping up the dress identical to one of Rika’s. He ended up getting stuck and having to call for V to help him get out of it. Instead, V had froze. Luciel didn't even have time to cover up his mistake with a joke since the older man had crossed the distance between them and took Luciel’s lips with his own, gently cupping his cheek as if he was afraid that underneath his fingers was fragile.

  
The regret had seeped through the redhead when V had grasped a wavy lock of blonde hair, the pain evident in his eyes when he registered it was a wig. On instinct, Luciel had surged forward. He couldn't bare to see that expression. V looked so close to breaking down and Luciel knew he wasn't helping. Yet he couldn't stop.

  
Their gentle kisses had gradually become frenzied, both of them knowing that what they were doing was unhealthy and only going to cause more pain. Still, they had continued.  
Once V’s hands had begun to wander, Luciel knew it was too late for both of them. What they were doing couldn't be brushed off as some stupid joke. The desperate urge to feel whole urged them on, even if they knew it was fruitless.

  
As they went on, V had undressed Luciel, splayed across the floor. The pain had grown, tears forming in the eyes of the man above him. They had doomed themselves, but Luciel still wanted to comfort him in any way he could. V had shook and wept quietly into the crook of his neck, the long blonde strands flowing everywhere. A mantra of ‘I'm sorry’ flowed from the photographer’s lips while Luciel had gently rubbed circles in his back.

  
Despite knowing how everything had started and that they should stop, they never did. Never once did Luciel deny his friend’s touch. Even when V had confessed that he had never touched Rika intimately, Luciel let him continue.  
It was wrong, so very wrong, but it was also addicting. It was some form of coping that never let them recover, only bury themselves deeper into their grief. They had found a sick solace in each other and neither could quit their dependence.

  
As kisses had turned into bites, caresses into tight grasping, Luciel never told V it was too much. With sweet words and tears muffled into the hacker’s thigh, it clicked in that V wasn't just using Luciel as an unhealthy coping mechanism, he was trying to relive being with Rika.  
“Rika,” it shouldn't have stung as much as it did to hear V whisper her name against his skin as he slid into him. The burn of the stretch seemed to hurt less than the reality of V’s words. “I love you.”

  
_Not you_ , Luciel reminded himself, fighting to keep his emotions under control. Trying to keep his mind blank was taxing after a while. Every subtle movement brought Luciel back to the reality of what was happening. The hot breath against his shoulder once again uttered her name, kissing at his skin and nuzzling the wig.  
V didn't wait for long, pulling out slowly but forcing himself back in immediately. The friction was in the back of his mind, Luciel mostly felt numb. He didn't derive pleasure from this anymore. Instead, it was about V.  
It was torture that Luciel had begun to develop feelings for the other man, when all he was to him was a way to release the feelings he kept contained. It hurt. Even though V had proven that Luciel was nothing more than his twisted therapy, the younger man wanted nothing more than to be able to place kisses into that soft blue hair and whisper reassurances, high enough to almost sound believable.  
When V came, it was always a choked sob, shuddering violently with tears down his face. There was no difference in his movements, routine and sluggish. It was rare for Luciel to seek his own release during these moments and it was no exception once again.

  
This time, Luciel pulled him into a kiss, gentle and caring. Surprisingly, V responded, timing their movements almost timidly. When they parted, V placed a small peck to Luciel’s forehead before collapsing beside him, half curled around himself. Yet, Luciel’s heart had lept and he looked solemnly at the man he had grown to love start to fall asleep. The usual whimpers and quiet sobs would return, but this time Luciel wouldn't leave, unable to stand them. This time, he stayed for V.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have anything nice to say. Sorry guys!!  
> Also this was written at 4am


End file.
